Never do people not sound like themselves more than when they’re lying…or sneezing. Everyone’s sneeze is different – individual, like a facial feature or nervous tick. Most politely cover up in order to mask the God-awful, deafening blast about to be unleashed from the depths within… 

And some prefer to just let it out – akin to shouting, “I just peed my pants!” in public – much to the chagrin of anyone within a one mile radius of your muzzle. It’s the worst tip-off that would give away your position in war; or make your presence known in a sold-out performance of Swan Lake. It’s one of those things that makes us human, like uncontrollable hiccups, helpless laughter at a good joke, or subconsciously being judgemental of others – except we’re unapologetic about it. 

Sneezing acts almost like a natural stress-release; the louder the sneeze, the more negative energy your body rids of. It’s never pleasant when the man sitting next to you on the bus causes you to have a heart attack; or when your snotty child sneezes all over your freshly pressed blouse. And it’s certainly never attractive to watch as your husband’s face scrunches up and contorts into the hideous countenance of an unrecognizable beast; like witnessing someone who’s just hallucinated their long-dead father. 

Sneezing may be an unexpected, and often embarrassing, bodily function. But it’s one of life’s little pleasures; Something we can be unapologetic about: Something that makes each of us unique. So scream it – or should I say sneeze it – loud and proud! Gesundheit, and God bless you.

Next: “From Dusk Till Yawn”