Fall Fall is here Now taunting us At first bringing hints of hope Then encompassing us in its brutal embrace Like icy cold fingers grasping and gripping Exhilarating and depressing at once Ominously reminding us winter is just around the corner Fall is gone
Hopelessness I’m tired of feeling like this Where I see worth, I feel worthless Where I see opportunity, I feel stuck Where I see work, I feel useless Where I see hope, I feel despair Where I see light, I feel darkness Where I see inspiration, I feel doubtful Where I see life, I feel death Where I see wealth, I feel poor Now on to antidepressants
A New Hope A new feeling... A feeling of contentedness... Of wanting to leave what's familiar... Of wanting to shed all things external, unimportant in the scheme of things, useless for survival... Of being open to learn again... Of knowing that I don't know anything... Of wanting to be close to the people I love... And not pushing them away... Of not wanting to live in solitude... An evasive feeling... A feeling of hopefulness... Of wanting to finally LIVE -Bali, Nov 1, 2016
I feel heavy. A constant weighing down; I try to pick myself up, but it’s almost impossible. I try to inspire, to motivate my myself, but it’s like pushing against gravity; I don’t budge. I know I have potential, I know I do! But…it remains stagnant, unmoved by my intentions. I feel sad. I can’t really figure out what’s wrong with me…am I depressed? And if so, am I depressed because of my circumstances or simply because I am depressed, like a never ending cycle, perpetual motion.... I feel hope. I have more opportunity than ever. But I’m so scared I won’t be able to follow through, the thought of starting anything frightens me. I don’t want to let down my partners, my friends, and perhaps overall, myself. I feel chaotic. Like a constant battle going on, a magnet: positive and negative; drive and break; up and down; good and evil. How can I find a happy medium? Drugs, prescriptions, psychoanalysis, it’s all available. I’ve tried some in the past, I just wish I could do this on my own without anyone’s help…. I feel foolish. Immature, and selfish asking for others’ help, even though I know they would happily offer it. I want to do it on my own, but that may be impossible...I’m not sure where I’m heading…. I see the sunlight above the clouds, but it’s far in the distance………. Will I ever reach it?