I constantly walk a tightrope
Never quite giving up, never quite committing
Lingering in an state of purgatorial limbo
An incessant internal torment
My soul is never at rest
I feel like today is a good day to write..
The patter of rain in the background
the soundtrack to my lyrics
The gentle thunder
like rumblings from within
Calm yet restless
darkness with brief flashes of light
My heart pours onto the page
bursting from heavy purple rain clouds
A seemingly endless reservoir
flowing from a broken dam
Now lulling me off to sleep
till it just becomes white noise
Infusing with my dreams
washing away my worries
TrappedI feel trapped...
A flickering moth, abducted by the light
in an eternal state of phototaxis
A struggling rat, caught in a mousetrap
gradually accepting the thought of death
A cocky roach, appendages paralyzed by amber molasses
feelers erratically flailing in distress
A tiny ant, drowning in a pool of honey
gulping every last, sweet breath of air
A jittery fly, tangled in spider's web
unwittingly preparing itself to be its next meal
A busy bee, suddenly engulfed in green teeth
while greedily drinking at its deceitfully sweet nectar
A naive rabbit, snagged by metal cuffs
wildly spasming with each attempted escape
A fluttering butterfly, snatched in soft mesh
impulsively flapping its wings to take flight
A dangling fish, held proudly from angler's hook
desperately gasping for atoms of air
A restless dog, tightening its leash with each futile tug
foolishly strangling itself to get ahead
A tamed tiger, restlessly stalking its cage
endlessly pacing, awaiting the day its at last released
An imprisoned primate, thrashing about in its manufactured enclosure
painfully aware of its dire and futile predicament thinking
Let me out
I want to live
StuckI am stuck
An invisible force holding me down
Gravity binding me to the ground
I try to get up,
but I feel three times my weight
I want to get up,
but this constraint is overpowering
I go to get up,
but I am unable to move
Caught in a Venus flytrap
Feeling inevitable death
but doing nothing about it
No one can help me
I am stuck
I am me, but there is another me
Moving in the right direction
Unknowingly spinning me backwards
in the opposite direction
A contradictory pair
Dancing through time
Both partners unaware of the other
Invisibly influencing the other
I wish I could detach
and just float away
So I could map out my own path
Unaffected by myself
SunSun filters in
Forming a rectangular shape
Penetrating my safe enclosure
The outside world still exists
If only I could harness it
to power my body
To get out of bed
Now that’s solar power!
I'm finally going to...
start a podcast!
who the fuck would listen to that?
perform at open mic night!
who would find you funny?apply for that job!
why the fuck would they hire you?
get in shape!
yeah, to the convenience store maybe
start my business!
are you joking?
get my life in order!
I am ready!
no you're not
This time I'm going to do it!
I don't think soToday's the day!
I'm gonna start on it first thing...
we'll all be waiting with bated breath
4.13.21 – Vision“Vision without action is a dream.”
Why don’t I have a vision? Something that guides me, and motivates me along the way? I can envision so many great things, almost will them into being. But by own future moves along a different timeline. I can open the door to my mind, yet have no access my future. Even a hazy vision would be fine; it doesn’t have to be crystal clear. When I close my eyes, all I see nothing but darkness, still I can hear the voices sneering and snickering hiding in the corners of my mind. I suppose that’s what therapists are for. Wait a second – my vision is to havea vision. Eureka, I’ve got it! Time to get to work. What is my vision? Why don’t I…
3.04.21 – Cog in The Machine
Most men are simply a cog in the machine… In that they, no matter how integral, are just part of what makes the whole contraption run. But they, too, will be replaced after churning out their best work, put through the grind, worn and abraded, a thick layer of elbow grease, blood, sweat and tears, with another just like him but at cheaper cost. None the matter; as long as this thing keeps running. Now go back to work!
3.03.21 – A Man
What is a man, if not his word? A man is his promise. And I cannot keep promises. In fact, anything I’ve “promised” you before this very writing could not and should not be counted on. And for that, I apologize. I am human, but I feel more like a scrapped blueprint for one. “I am my thoughts,” and my thoughts are made of shame and regret. Shame and regret for what? For letting myself down; for I know what a man is – sense one when he is in my presence – and I am not that, although it is what I strive to be: to finally become A Man.
The Big Bang
Everything existed in the beginning
Boundlessly projecting itself
across a blank void
Weaving the matrix
and destroying everything in its path
Affecting the past
Manifesting the future
Riding the arrow of time
Leaving us in its wake
like a desert mirage
it's only the light we see,
how it used to be
Look on the bright side
Race Against Time
A race against time
There's too much time in the day to be motivated
And not enough time to get anything done
The ultimate enigma
But the clock is neutral
to whether it wins or loses
Its hands taunting with each tick