Poetry Corner – Jobless Masses

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Jobless Masses

You, the jobless masses are the scum of the earth
The disease of life
The losers that roam the streets in perpetual hopelessness
Depressive, downtrodden, delusional, destitute
Why not kill yourselves?
Life would be so much easier

No more hanging out at the local Tim Hortons
Staring into the oblivion of your stale coffee
No more asking for change on the frigid streets, bumming a cigarette
No more harassing the good, hardworking people of society
No more taking advantage of those who deserved to get where they are
No more Airbnb-ing the local library

If only street cleaners could brush you up off the sides of the streets
along with all the other discarded trash
If only you were jailed or shot
for being a bane on the rest of us

Stop bothering us!
Leave us alone!
Go get a job!
Go shave that disgusting beard!
Go take a shower!
Go write a resume!
Just leave me the fuck alone!

You’re the acne on a flawless face
The scar on a perfect body
The blemish on pristine skin
The callouses on soft hands
The dirt under our fingernails
The open sore on an infected wound
The herpes, syphilis and gonorrhea of the city
The waste running through the sewers

These thoughts enter my mind vicariously
As I look at the busy masses walking by
And I wonder
When will someone notice?

VERSEATILE: Freestyle Friday – “Psycho”

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Emcee Problem-Addict

VERSE-ATILE: Freestyle Friday – “Psycho”

Scooby Doo Hip Hop Instrumental https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jg8l5BeTAeI

***Disclaimer: Wrote this after taking 20 mg of Adderall and binge watching Dexter. These deranged thoughts and machinations are just for fun. If you take offence, respond with a “freestyle rebuttal” in the comment section. Now dust off your mic and rap along!

“Yo, from Adderall to Ritalin get fuckin’ wired when I inject it in like it’s insulin / Smoke a bit a weed then I get inspired and I start to battle rap against myself like I’m Eminem / Upstanding citizen; stand outside your window and ‘stalk’ you like what you’re investing in / You see me thru the window but you pretend not to, you take off your shirt and your bra too / Then your panties I can see you got boobs, sittin’ on the wood swing good thing I brought lube! (“Eww…”) / I slowly creep to your backdoor – it’s unlocked – so I walk through from the back porch (door creeks) / I can hear the shower runnin’, grab a knife from kitchen drawer, look through the keyhole in the door (Psycho sfx) / Open it just a crack and peek through – I can see you masturbating, the curtain’s see-through / You’re enjoying this just as much as me, ooh, pulled back the divider, her eyes went wider than a treeshrew! (“Ahh!”) / I grabbed the bitch and saran-wrapped her like Dexter, I told her not to worry “I’m an expert” / She asked “Why are you doing this?” I said “I know you like it, you saw me outside earlier don’t lie bitch! / First I’m gonna rape you then cut off your right tit, I’m gonna put the masking tape on now so keep a tight lip!” / She started struggling, I said “Don’t fight it, it’ll all be over soon you might as well invite it” / Undercover of moonlight I grabbed the knife blade, held it to her face, yeah I’m deadly like nightshade / Told her I’m into mergers and acquisitions by day, but really I’m into murder and executions by trade (“What?” / Like drugs it’s just something that I crave, urges that I can’t control like my brain– / Suddenly she freed her hand and reached under the pillow – she pulled out a dildo and it started to vibrate / She stuck it in my ass then turned it sideways – Fuck! – Fell off the bed and hit my head on the night ta-ble… / I awoke with a migraine, the bitch was standing over me with a mace on a spiked chain / “I knew you were a freak!” She said “I hope you like pain” and bludgeoned me with it until the sheets looked like wine stains…. / Suddenly I awoke in my bed, wet soaked in a sweat, happy I wasn’t chokin’ to death / I reached down gropin’ to check…and found the fuckin’ dildo stuck in my ass, IT’S OVER, THE END.” -freestyle by Problem-Addict

FreeStyle – Do You Think I’m Soxy?

FreeStyle

Do You Think I’m Soxy?

written by Cameron Brtnik for ContentDistribution.com

    Do you remember a time, long ago, when socks weren’t sexy? When they were just something you put on your feet if only for comfort, only to be tossed with disgust into the laundry bin at the end of the day. When they were just an extra in a Tide commercial, or something you “hung with care” over the fireplace on Christmas eve. Flash forward to 2014 when a couple of brothers, Albert and Boris Vaisman, started to think about socks differently, and built a little business called Soxy. 

    The trend has caught on – just inconspicuously check out your cubicle mate’s ankles, or lower your gaze next time you’re at a hobnob at your local haunt – and you’ll be sure to see metrosexual men sporting funky socks, a new form of “podiatry peacocking.” My best friend wears fashionable men’s socks and I feel it says a lot about his personality: quirky, charming, trendy. At first I didn’t understand it: why wear something fashionable that’s basically ninety percent covered up? Then I caught the “foot affliction” and began sporting my own pairs of fashionable foot covers. In high school all we wore were plain ol’ sweat socks. But now a fancy pair of socks has become a conversation starter, a snazzy accessory you can actually give more than a modicum of thought to, much like a fashionable fedora or flashy new kicks. Of course it’s always best to wear a pair of fashionable socks with an equally styling pair of shoes – and fortunately Soxy offers both!

Are You Ready To Look Cool?

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Try These On For Size!

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Mens Blue Big Stripes Bundle

    Whether you’re into striped, checkered, or funky patterns, Soxy has a line of sultry socks for everyone. The great thing is they can be worn in all sock-wearing seasons. We love the Mens Blue Big Stripes (https://www.soxy.com/collections/mens-striped-socks/products/mens-blue-big-stripes-bundle ) for their vibrant colors and bold statement. And really, stripes go with any outfit or occasion. Choose from other styles on their website such as Purple Camouflage and Autism for something really mind-bending.

Why Socks Are Fashionable:

  • They pair well with almost any wardrobe
  • They’re fun to mix and match with pants, shirts, and suits
  • They’re conversation starters
  • They show your uniqueness and originality

“But what can I wear with my funky new foot fashion?” The answer is: pretty much anything.

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What Color Pants With What Shoes?

    First off, you have to know what pants you’re wearing with what shoes before deciding on which socks. Here’s a few pairings we recommend for the more sartorially savvy.

THE BASICS

What Color Pants Should I Wear With Black Shoes?

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Black On Black

    The traditional answer is: black. It’s got a classic, professional look that’s never out of style, whether or not you’re wearing a suit. If you’re in the office or out on the town, you can’t go wrong with black on black. You’ve seen Orange Is The New Black? Well, Black is The New… Orange. Check out Fashion Beans for some great advice on black shoes (https://www.fashionbeans.com/article/best-shoe-colour-combinations-men/)

For The More Fashionable Fellows Among Us

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White Pants With Brown Shoes

    Want to make a statement? Go out and buy yourself a pair of skinny fit white pants and wear them with your swankiest pair of brown leather shoes. You will stand out like a Gucci model at state fair. Warning: you must be in decent physical condition to pull this one off.  All those who care more about ice cream than ice skating beware. For a perfect set of luxurious leathers check out Soxy’s Mens Brown & Blue Leather Wingtip Dress Shoes (https://www.soxy.com/collections/mens-wingtip-shoes/products/mens-brown-leather-wingtip-dress-shoes)

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White Pants With Black Shoes

    For something just as stylish with a more classic appeal, try pairing those tighty-whities with pair of black shoes. You’ll still stand out – but more like Picasso among plebeians. Just be careful you don’t sit on any freshly-painted benches. Try adding an extra touch with Soxy’s Mens Purple Camouflage Socks (https://www.soxy.com/products/mens-purple-camoflouge-socks?pr_prod_strat=description&pr_rec_pid=2665183051894&pr_ref_pid=2654572707958&pr_seq=uniform) and emulating Elvis wish their Mens Black & Blue Suede Driving Loafers (https://www.soxy.com/collections/mens-loafers/products/mens-black-and-blue-suede-driving-loafers).

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Black Pants With White Shoes

    Crisp, clean and summery – no I’m not talking about some new kale crazy. I’m talking about skinny black pants paired with plain old white sneakers. You’ll look hip, fresh, and cool in this aesthetic ensemble. Even cooler, complete this outstanding outfit with a crisp white t-shirt or button down. Pick up a pair of white runners with Soxy’s very own Mens White Leather Sneakers (https://www.soxy.com/collections/mens-sneakers/products/mens-white-leather-sneakers).

“But What About My Upper Half?”

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Black Shirt With White Shoes

    For something more subdued but still stylish, throw on a black blouse buttoned up to the top. This speaks “fashion conscious” without overstating it. Elegant and smart, you’re sure to draw attention from the cool crowd. Here’s a great article from our friends down at Outfit Trends on white shoes. Now study up. (https://www.outfittrends.com/men-outfit-with-white-shoes/)

REFRESHER

Wear Your Snazzy New Socks With:

  • Black pants + black shoes
  • White pants + brown or black shoes
  • Black pants + white shoes
  • Black shirt + white shoes
  • Naked (*remain indoors)

Still not sure what pants to pair with what shoes? Check out this chart

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Pant And Shoe Color Chart

Don’t worry ladies – we didn’t forget you!

    As you can tell, this article was written for men. But that doesn’t mean you’re not a significant other looking for a snazzy pair of stockings for the love of your life. Soxy makes some great gift ideas, and they’ve made it easy for you by putting together special packages. Try these out and we’re sure your beautiful beau will smother you with delectable kisses. Mens Autism Sock Bundle (https://www.soxy.com/products/mens-puzzlemania-bundle?pr_prod_strat=copurchase&pr_rec_pid=2654572773494&pr_ref_pid=2654572707958&pr_seq=uniform)

    Whether you’re looking to update your style or add to your already quirky collection of feet cozies, designer socks are in – and Soxy just made them sexy.

Follow Soxy on IG @soxy

Cameron Brtnik is a freelance writer living in Toronto. He now owns twelve pairs of Soxys, none of them matching

BLOG-Bits: Ramblings of a Madman – The Pub

BLOG-Bits
Ramblings of a Madman
the-flask
The Pub
10.23.19
    Nothing like a cool pint on a cold day… Sitting in a warm, dimly lit pub, in prohibition era red velvet chairs. With the first sip you can forget your worries… And the pub suddenly becomes your home: the dirty table, the stained chair, the dusty lamp. You could live here. The waiter is suddenly your best friend. The previously loud and annoying resident is suddenly a friendly neighbour. The loud noises are suddenly welcome. The smell of chicken wings is suddenly akin to the feeling of an organism. An overall sense of elation comes over you like there’s not a thing wrong in the world. All you worries, anxiety, depression – poof – gone. I could kiss my neighbour right now: a bearded hipster. This feeling feels like it could last forever. Is this how men become alcoholics? Did it all start with good intentions – a stress relief, a therapy, something to set the world straight? If I were dying I’d like to got out after a few pints. I wouldn’t be afraid of death. I would welcome it with open arms, like my mustachioed companion. Why can’t I always feel like this? I never want this feeling to end. Weed is good too. Why don’t they serve weed-infused beer pints? They’re missing a good business opportunity. Maybe I should start one: a pub that sells weed pints. I’d make a ton of money. Then I could buy as many pints as I like.

Poetry Corner – Fall

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Fall

Fall is here
Now taunting us
At first bringing hints of hope
Then encompassing us in its brutal embrace
Like icy cold fingers grasping and gripping
Exhilarating and depressing at once
Ominously reminding us winter
is just around the corner
Fall is gone

Poetry Corner – Why?

 
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Why?

Why do I bother
Wasted energy
I could have stayed in bed today

Why do I try
Wasted effort
I could have Netflix and chilled

Why do I believe
Wasted faith
I could have stuck to the routine

Why do I continue
Wasted breath
I could have killed myself

But I'm still here


Why?

Poetry Corner – The Night

gopro-night
 
The Night

I don’t want this night to end
Floating in oblivion
I want night to last forever
Why must we wake up?

It’s as if the night is there
just to tease us
Only a short reprieve
from torturous day

Dreams blind us from what awaits when we wake

I want this night to stay
and comfort me in its eternal blackness
The sun’s beams like a monster
peeking from behind the closet door

Spend day waiting
for night’s warm embrace
Bringing comfort and protection
from all that exists
Anonymity at last

But don’t let it fool you
Night is day disguised
Unveiling its true identity
come dusk

Falling asleep
into an inviting void
A dimension beyond our four
Together we go interstellar

The night doesn’t care
about your successes
or failures

Good night

Sleep tight

T0P 5: How To Meet People

T0P 5:

How To Meet People

written by Cameron Brtnik

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T0P 5: How To Meet People 

    Let’s see, what to do today… Go to work? Check. Pick up groceries on the way home? Check. Make dinner and put the kids to bed? Check. Read at least one page of that book I’ve had on the go for six months now… Sleep. Where in this whirlwind schedule of yours did you make time to meet people?

It seems the “art of meeting people” is lost on us. We’re too busy staring at our glowing, soothing screens (I know I know cliche, but also true). Too busy planning our artful escape off the elevator full of sweaty people we spent the entire ride trying not to make eye contact with. Too busy worrying about our home lives: I gotta talk to the husband, I can see Sophie’s going through some issues, when’s the last time I saw the dentist? Internal monologue that really wears us down mentally and physically. “Outside people” are seen as a threat to our own existence: “Don’t talk to me bub or you’ll screw up my mental grocery list.” But you know what’s fun? Getting outside your thoughts, and striking an “uncomfortable” conversation with your worried-looking neighbour in the elevator. Also chatting with that person behind you in the line at the grocery store as you’re paying for your Coffee Crisp. I guarantee at least one of you will leave the conversation feeling better about the world.

Without further ado, here’s my Top 5 Techniques on “How To Meet People and Break The Ice!” (or HTMPABTI)

1. Breaking The Ice – Don’t be shy; Approach people and you break the ice. Don’t open with the usual, “Hey, how you enjoying this party?” Rather offer something:a party trick, a funny anecdote, a compliment, or a corny joke. Once you become a person of value, this “just a second ago stranger” will be actually be interested in meeting you. Now go and Google “corny jokes.”
2. Keep the Conversation Interesting – Be outgoing, friendly, funny, gregarious… But don’t just talk about yourself (nobody likes a bragger…except other braggers); Bring up current news stories, talk about how you both know the host, share an embarrassing story, but most importantly ask questions about them!This person will be (happily) shocked that a stranger is so interested in getting to know more about him or her. Remember: Knowledge is power, and power is half the battle! Or something like that…
3. Ask Questions – Show you’re interested – I know I just stated this above, but it’s worth repeating. One way I engage people is not by telling them about me (although if they ask I will tell them) but rather by asking about them. Not just the usual: “What’s your name? What do you do? Have you been here before blah blah blah…” That’s interesting but not really engaging. Rather ask, “What are your interests?” See if you can bond over a common interest ie. sports, politics, your shared obsession in D&D. This is sure to keep the conversation rolling – at least until you tell them your nickname for the stuffed teddy bear you sleep with every night.
4. Name Game – Remember the person’s name! This is difficult (I do not now why it’s so difficult). My technique? I repeat the person’s name throughout the conversational least four times so I remember it. For example: What’s your name?”Daniella. “Pleasure to meet youDaniella. Daniella, do you enjoy waterskiing?” I’ve never been… “Haha that’s great, I can just picture you on a pair of skis on the lake like, ‘HeyDaniella! You have to be facing the boat!’ Well Daniella it was a pleasure chatting with you, how can we…” That was four times. It seems excessive when you read it, but it’s really not and she won’t even notice. And when you call her by her by her name at the end of the conversation, she’ll be impressed you actually remember it! Not like the last couple douchebags who didn’t and then expected to exchanges socials. Bam you win.
5. Keep In Touch – Rather than blatantly asking,What’s your phone number or Instagram?(this can feel intrusive especially if you just met) ask,”How can we continue this conversation?,”and let them offer their contact. A bit of reverse psychology for you!

Bonus: How to Remember a Name

  1. Repeat their name at least four times throughout the conversation.
  2. Think of a person you know with the same name who has a similar personality or hobby.
  3. Rhyme their name with something you’ll remember ie. Mike likes to hike, Suzy likes to drink boozy…

My Reading List:

  • The Game by Neil Strauss (Don’t knock it till you read it! Useful for men and women)
  • How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Cameron is a freelance writer based in Toronto and a passionate advocate of meeting strangers cbrtnik.com

10P 10: GSD or How To Get Shit Done!

mock up of empty picture frame on the desk
T0P 10: GSD or How To Get Shit Done!
written by Cameron Brtnik
    OPD or Obsessive Procrastination Disorder has caused a slowing down of my life, and even a reversal at times. I feel so behind that forward is somehow backwards; it’s like I can never get ahead. I worry that I’ll never achieve anything in the future because I’m constantly living in the past, stuck in place like a snail’s race, a car in a traffic jam, an insignificant particle traveling through space and time… (okay I have no idea where I was going with that metaphor). Common sense says: “Always put the most important tasks at the the beginning of your to-do list.” I’ve also heard the opposite: “Do the easiest tasks first so you feel a sense of accomplishment.” But which is the right answer? Unfortunately like most conundrums, there is no magic bullet. Don’t fret – I’ve compiled a list of “tried and true guidelines” that will help you, too, to finally Get Shit Done!
Rules that have helped me Get Shit Done –

1 – The Two Minute Rule – Whatever can be done in two minutes, do it right away! This has helped me Get Shit Done more than any other technique on this list, so if you take anything away, it’s this. I get the thing done right away and feel good about my “mini achievement.” And most importantly, have not added to the pile of “things to do” like a perpetual game of Jenga.

2 – Hold Yourself Accountable – Find an Accountability Buddy – someone who will hold you accountable if you don’t finish the task on time. This “motivational coach” basically acts as a boss who expects the job done by an agreed upon deadline. They may even help you complete your task, which is okay – there’s no rulebook to completing something, only that you get it done!

3 – FOLD (Fear Of Letting someone Down) – Similar to having an Accountability Buddy, if you committed to completing a project for someone, especially a friend or colleague, FOLD or “the Fear Of Letting Someone Down” forces you to complete that task. But don’t take on more than you know you can handle as that can have counterproductive effects.

4 – Under Pressure: Positive Procrastination – The old “leave it to the last day” pressure tactic has worked miracles for me. Back in high school, I often left assignments till the morning of. But come the “day of reckoning,” I forced myself to get up early, crack down, and whip out some of my best work. *Note: I don’t recommend using this one too much as it can physically and mentally burn you out.

5 – Double-Down – Are you willing to put money on that? If there is a sum of money riding on the outcome, this is often a strong motivator in completing a task by the due date. Think about a game of Poker: how motivated are you when you’re not playing for money? Do you care if you win or lose? Now put five bucks on the game and see if you don’t care. Now raise a hundred.

6 – Check Please – Write the tasks on your To-do Lists next to a checkbox (I recommend using the Evernote app as it has great features and your notes save in the cloud…whatever that is). As you go through your list and check that shit off, it feels good. And at the end of the day, you can lay back and stare at all those checked boxes and bask in the glory of success.

7 – Copy & Paste – When you’re cringing at the thought of checking your email, here’s a psychological rouse I created that’s helped me: Copy and paste messages into another app like Word or Evernote, read and write your reply in the app, then copy and paste it back into your email. This seemingly pointless work-around has helped me get over what I call WAS or “Work Avoidance Syndrome.” Psychologically, like doing work at a cafe, it can make menial tasks easier to complete. Try it and see if it works for you!* (*or your money back guaranteed! Now please send me money.)

8 – Set A Schedule – Set up a recurrent schedule to force you to Get Shit Done! For example, if you want to send out an email every month, make a phone call once a week or a text once a day, setting up an “auto-schedule” gets rid of the all the stress. Think of your favourite Youtuber or podcaster. They post content monthly, weekly or even daily or risk losing their fanbase (not to mention their sponsors). I find it inspiring to listen to a comedian like Bill Burr who posts his podcast not once, but twice a week! And he’s a self-proclaimed lazy buffoon. Now do you feel lazy?

9 – Chill Out – Listen to a “chillout playlist” on your headphones or in the background while working. This will calm and relax you, and put you in the right headspace to focus on your work. I recommend throwing on some Lofi Chill or any “study playlist” on Spotify.

10 – Celebrate the Good Times – The relief you feel when you finally finish that long-lingering project will be like getting a monkey off your back. You’ll feel free from the self-imposed oppression and guilt of not getting shit done, which means it’s time to celebrate with a (insert favourite drink here), lay back and marvel at how smart you are. Now go out there and Get Shit Done!

***If you have any advice for how you “Get Shit Done” please leave a comment below or email me at cbrtnik@gmail.com and I’ll feature it my next Top Ten segment!
Cameron is a freelance writer based in Toronto, and practitioner of Getting Shit Done cbrtnik.com