Hopelessness I’m tired of feeling like this Where I see worth, I feel worthless Where I see opportunity, I feel stuck Where I see work, I feel useless Where I see hope, I feel despair Where I see light, I feel darkness Where I see inspiration, I feel doubtful Where I see life, I feel death Where I see wealth, I feel poor Now on to antidepressants
9.2.15 – Depression
I ate a whole box of O’s in bed last night and passed out. I effectively both avoided Skyping home, as was my plan (every time I want to Skype home I have guilty feelings of all the times I never Skyped home, and therefore avoid it again to rid myself of those negative feelings, therefore causing the cycle to continue) and all responsibility – I had planned to accomplish a few things before bed. WTF is wrong with me! I’m afraid I haven’t improved since I was a teenager, and I’m not sure if I ever will… I’m scared, and feeling more depressed than ever. I have a prescription for Ritalin, which helps me focus for long periods without getting tired or eating, and gives me feelings of inspiration, motivation and happiness… but those do not last. I feel worse the next day. It must be what a cocaine hangover feels like. I should probably change my prescription to antidepressants.