***Disclaimer: I get inspired to write these verses after listening to hip hop instrumentals (I randomly search them on Youtube) whilst high on weed, booze or (insert other). Now c’mon and rap along!
“Just an old fool who’s old skool, still using Protools, microphone turnin’ cold – “it’s a code blue!” / Yeah I’m so cool – no playin’, then go saiyan like I’m Goku / Call me Superman; I’m changing in the phone booth, I think I’m an alien but I got no proof / It’s the new me – that’s the old you, on the mic you Alicia Silverstone; you got no clue / Got a blunt with a cold brew – just lay back and play the track – chillin’ in a snowsuit / Didn’t you hear? I already warned you – I’ll lower your testosterone; you can call me tofu / Magneto; get inside your mind and control you, smoked three hits of DMT then I broke thru / Call me “the one” cause I believe there is no spoon, takin’ this to broadway like it was a show tune / Uh, regular emcees just won’t do – “So true” (girl’s voice), I do this like I’m ‘sposed to / And you can bring your whole crew – by the end of this verse everybody will be bros like Mario 2 / …. Sick like I got the cold flu – been ill since – becoming a “starving artist” like Prince / with no food, rare like a gold tooth – “Oh, ooh!” So new – even DJ Clue had no clue / Sometimes my mind is darker than when there’s no moon – like a black hole – we all got shit we go through… / We all gotta find something to devote to – for me it’s hip hop – for you it’s Porntube / Uh, got bills but still a broke dude -well-mannered but like Michelle Tanner I’m “so rude” /Breathe this beat like it’s O2 – I achieve in one verse what in one album you hope to / AndI’m on holiday, like Josh Holloway get “lost” or like Jeff Ross I’m a roast you /All you do is scroll thru Instagram and post nudes, but no one gives a damn and no you’re not“woke” like an alarm clock / with no snooze… plus like Rosie O’Donnell you get “no views” / Get it? Huh,I make sick tracks like a snowshoe, so sit back, relax like you’re on a boat cruise / Like peanut butter I am so smooth – now listen to this “jam” like when the traffic won’t move…” -freestyle by Problem-Addict
My whole body's out of whack
No longer a comfortable and safe vessel
I'm ready to abandon ship
But where can I seek refuge?
A hermit crab finds a new shell
While I am condemned to this body
Till my soul escapes
A collection of short poems inspired by The Universe
Trapped inside a blackhole
All time has stopped
Yet somehow it keeps moving forward without me
Leaving only a memory
far in the past
I feel nothing
Only a void inside
Empty, vacuous space
My heart the dying remnants
of a once bright star
Time is measured by centuries
We only live a single second
Like the tick of a clock
A grain of sand
Falling through an hourglass
*All this time
because I never understood myself
All this stress because I never took the time to reflect
All this confusion because I never understood myself
All this depression because I never made a decision
All this pain because I never reevaluated my life
All this anxiety because I never realized
***Disclaimer: Wrote this after taking smoking some weed. These deranged thoughts and machinations are just for fun. If you take offence, respond with a “freestyle rebuttal” in the comment section. Now bust out your mic and rap along! (Rapped in early 90’s gangsta rap style)
“Uh, hit that sweet spot, I can make a beat hot – listening to your critique is tequila – just a cheap shot / Bout to blow yo mind like a teapot – I am from Toronto otherwise known as the East Block (“T. Dot!”) / Lyrics cut like a blade that’s how I keep my teeth sharp – rippin’ mics to shreds like a reef shark / (buzz) Get shocked till you see sparks, runnin’ it like an engine till I make the fuckin’ keys start / Your brain is like a phone; overload and it restarts, I know you love my lyrics like an IG heart (“Aww”) / Takin over property like it’s beachfront, “Momma said knock you out! Now you see stars (ding ding ding!) / And I’m swinging from the treetops, ears look like cauliflower in a steam pot (“Ow!”) / Hip hop is my drug and I tweak hard, “Let’s get retarded in here-” Whoops! I mean dumb / Got more reefer than a weed crop, smoke so much you can say I gotta green thumb / I’m a showoff like a peacock – plus in the bed I’m a freak like Re-gan / MacNeil from the Exorcist – crazy bitches are the sexiest, climb on top of my / dick like it’s Everest, and blow me like a terrorist – Ooh! I came harder than Tyson when he’s peed off! / Uh, you can’t just put me down like a mean dog, plus on the mic I’m rock steady like I’m Bebop, ha / Flow tight like a reef knot – kinda vibe make you wanna get low like a V-top (whistle) / Like socks keep yo feet hot, melt the wax like it’s cheese on a pepperoni pizza (“Mmm”) / On the mic I rage – when I’m on the stage get no “boos” like a detox (crowd boos!) / Fuck you – I drop more shit than a seagull – spit so much of it I could clog a latrine stall (toilet flushes) / …You’re goin’ down like a straight flush – “Momma said knock you out” now here’s the referee call… (“He’s down!”)” -freestyle by Problem-Addict
You, the jobless masses are the scum of the earth
The disease of life
The losers that roam the streets in perpetual hopelessness
Depressive, downtrodden, delusional, destitute
Why not kill yourselves?
Life would be so much easier
No more hanging out at the local Tim Hortons
Staring into the oblivion of your stale coffee
No more asking for change on the frigid streets, bumming a cigarette
No more harassing the good, hardworking people of society
No more taking advantage of those who deserved to get where they are
No more Airbnb-ing the local library
If only street cleaners could brush you up off the sides of the streets
along with all the other discarded trash
If only you were jailed or shot
for being a bane on the rest of us
Stop bothering us!
Leave us alone!
Go get a job!
Go shave that disgusting beard!
Go take a shower!
Go write a resume!
Just leave me the fuck alone!
You’re the acne on a flawless face
The scar on a perfect body
The blemish on pristine skin
The callouses on soft hands
The dirt under our fingernails
The open sore on an infected wound
The herpes, syphilis and gonorrhea of the city
The waste running through the sewers
These thoughts enter my mind vicariously
As I look at the busy masses walking by
And I wonder
When will someone notice?